Thursday, February 9, 2012

A new day

Today was very difficult, for a reason I will not disclose here. But I am hoping that this will be the start of wonderful things.

I've had enough. I've decided that I will no longer hold myself back, and that I will look out for myself first. The closer someone is to me, the more I will look out for them. If they don't affect me, I will no longer care for them. I've been caring about so many people that could care less about me that I've never learned to take care of myself. And those days are now over.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Better

My bowling game returned to its higher level last night. It wasn't perfect, as I still missed a couple of makeable spares, but I was perfect on the 10 and 6-10 conversions. We took on a team that had a better record than their average would profess, and they did beat us narrowly in the first game, but we took the other two and the series.

My scores? 213-183-188. I can definitely live with that. I tried not to think too much about my game, but I know that I was staying "within myself" most of the night. I remembered to loft the ball, which gave me more break and maybe a little more power. Early on, when there was more oil, I was able to bowl at a comfortable, not-so-hard velocity, and it got to the pocket nicely. Later, I was putting a little more zip on it easily done by holding the ball a little higher at the beginning of the backswing, to account for the oil being spread out and the lane breaking more. Along with moving two boards to the left, I was still able to do well, albeit a little less consistently. But hey, when your low game is a 183, you're bowling quite nicely. A 195 average? Hell yeah!

I didn't print out my games, but I think there were only 1-2 frames where I left makeable spares. One was a 2-4 or a 4-7, where I went a little too far left and just barely missed the lead pin. I don't remember the other. I know I made a 3-10 baby split. It was a very good night of bowling, and though I want to get back out there ASAP, I have a busy day ahead of me.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

The cowboy way ain't the right way

Margie and I are huge fans of the BFTS (Built Ford Tough Series), the highest level of the PBR (Professional Bull Riding). It's surprisingly addictive.

I first started watching it when we lived in a small apartment in Illinois, in the middle of our worst year together. We got along great, but the world seemed against us. We were both miserable in our jobs. Margie had a new boss who unreasonably claimed that she'd soon be fired, despite her great reviews. She's have to stand and wait for a bus to take her to a crowded train that would often leave just before the bus got her there. She once stood outside in 25-below temperatures, waiting for a bus that was late. Standing there with a back that was getting so bad that it required major surgery. For me, I had a comfortable commute, but I still cried half the days I worked at this particular high school that ended up cutting my job at the end of the year. Back then, it was so comforting to curl up on the couch, under our unicorn blanket, watching guys like Ryan Dirteater getting thrown around the ring by these massive bulls.

I think we caught every showing last season. This year, they're on more channels with a haphazard schedule, and some of the events aren't on TV at all, but on pbr.com instead. Stinks to be other people who don't get some of the other channels, but I digress.

What I want to discuss here is the dominance of the Brazilian riders. Last year, five Brazilians set atop the final standings. Valdiron de Oliveira, known for riding a very high percentages of bulls, led for most of the year but was overtaken by youngster Silvano Alves. Alves has taken some flak for choosing bulls that are not "rank," meaning difficult to ride. Yet he stays on more of them then anyone else. His bull choices has ruffled the feathers of the old guard, all of them subscribe to "the cowboy way," which apparently translates to "make it as difficult as you possibly can."

Last week, Silvano stayed on a bull that had a bad ride. After his eight seconds, Alves received 7.5 points for his effort. 73.5 points is not at all a good score. A good score is 86-89 points, with 90-plus-point rides typically reserved for the final round. The highest score in the history of the PBR is around 96 points.

Alves is poised to win again, and he likely will, barring injury. He doesn't win as many rounds or events as you'd think, because someone will likely have a better weekend than he. But overall, he'll win in the end. It's not "the cowboy way," and too many of the old guard claim that he can't win that way. But he does.

The top five are Brazilians? Yes, they are. They're good at staying on. They won't pick Bushwacker when they get the chance, nor will they intentionally choose to ride any of the other strongest bulls. Americans pick 'em, and they fail. I wonder how essential Adriano Moreas is to the Brazilian mentality. Adriano is the only three-time winner of the PBR, winning a world title at the advanced bull-riding age of 36. I don't think anybody currently on tour is that old. I don't know his bull choosing, but I think that if anyone has the best idea of how to win, it's him.

The PFTS came up with a new rule, to be used about eight time this year. On specific nights, the top 15 riders in the world that year are obligated to ride the 15 rankest bulls. I believe that this is PBR's way of stopping the Brazilian dominance. By forcing Alves to ride Bushwacker, or Guillerme Marchi to ride Asteroid, the PBR is forcing the Brazilians out of their comfort zone.

it may work. But it's sneaky as hell of them to do that.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Breaking 100

I have new songs on my YouTube page! I feel good about the Damien Rice one. The others are decent. It's all about recognizing when my voice goes flat, which is most of the time. I have to concentrate on every note I sing, which then takes my mind away from my guitar playing. Watching myself is a hrad thing to do, but as it's making me better, it's also a good thing to do.

What a horrible game of bowling last night. I was in danger of not breaking 100 on the last game. Seriously. After opening with two spares and two strikes, I then proceeded to have NINE consecutive open frames. A lot of my strike balls looked good, but so many of them broke too much, hitting the head pin dead on and creating splits, which I couldn't convert. I limped home on the first game with a 131, tying the prior week for my worst game in quite a while... but I wasn't done yet.

In the second game, I had at least four splits and finished with a 136. It was torture. By the end of that game, it felt as if I had no idea how to bowl. I felt weak, my muscle memory completely wiped out. I couldn't do everything on my checklist. And when I thought I did, I'd pull the ball, as I did on three consecutive frames that offered easy spares. I pulled all three.

The thing was that many people struggled last night. Not as much as me, perhaps, but there were a lot of games lower than the typical average. The first survivor game cut-off was 205, meaning that, if your hancapped score was 205 or higher, you were in the top half and advanced to the next round. In general, the survivor score should be 220, and it usually is around that mark. 205 was a steep decline.

Our opponents also sucked, however. It looked like a bunch of guys that really didn't know what they were doing up there. And boy, I was hitting a new low with my last game, in danger of not breaking 100. When I finally converted an easy spare in the ninth frame, I figured out that I needed at least three pins on my first ball to get 100, and I had no confidence that I could get it.

But I finally threw the ball I had been waiting for all night. On my 36th and last frame, I threw the perfect ball, which nailed the pocket perfectly and sent all ten pins to the deaths. "Yeah!" I yelled. "Hot Damn!" I yelled even louder. Man, that felt good. The next two balls were nine (standing five) and a pick-up. And that fantastic ending left me with a final score of 124.

One twenty-frickin'-four. Ugh. My series didn't even break 400. Again, how in the hell did I bowl a 641 series last month?  But hey, we won the last game, thanks to my strong finish. If we would've lost by a small amount because I finished as poorly as I had bowled all night, I would not have been able to contain my emotions. As it turned out, I couldn't contain them anyway. Hot Damn!

Practiced today for eight games and could only break 200 once. Still, take out the first game and the last game, where I worked on hitting the 7 and 10 pins for the last half, and I was in the 170's. I only realized on the way home why I was missing left on the 7s and on the 10s: the lane, she's dry! No oil. That place is starting to go downhill. When I went to wash my hands, the soap dispenser was empty, just as it was the prior night. On the sheet that hangs on the wall and shows that they've been there every half hour... they hadn't been there to restock and check for cleanliness in over 48 hours. Since Dave left, it's been getting a little seedy. Dave's now in River Grove, too far a hike for bowling. Oh well. I should e-mail him and get together for lunch, per his suggestion. He's one of the few friends I've made since moving here. Life is lonely for Margie and me these days. Thank God we have each other.

Funny how I come here to talk about bowling. Well, I guess it can be an art of sorts.

Friday, January 13, 2012

99

This is the 99th post I've made on this blog. Today's entry was going to go in my personal journal. Until this blog, all of my thoughts have gone in there. And really, that is where my thoughts should go. I wanted this blog to be about my creative outlets, but it's more of a bitch session and a way of working out my personal kinks. Writing them out is beneficial, but does it need to be here? No. So I'll try to use this blog more for anything I create that I want to share with the world. Music will likely be posted here instead.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Second thoughts

I'm nervous about the job.

The guy - let's call him Louis - thinks BIG, to the point that you wonder how schizophrenic he may be. Is his idea for the real estate company good? I guess. How the hell do I know? If it's such a great idea, and it hasn't been done before by those in the know, how could a layman such as myself understand its greatness?

My financial commitment would be the $300 or so that it would cost to obtain my real estate license. I'd also need to take about 75 hours' worth of classes, but that doesn't worry me. In fact, since it's all done on your own time these days (as I've been told), I can likely finish the requirements in short order. What concerns me is the time commitment. Not the 40 hours of work a week; that's to be expected. It's the full year to which Louis will want me to commit. If he asks me to sign a contract for those 12 months, I'll have an issue with it.

I understand that he'll be investing time, money and energy into me, so he won't want to see me leave during or shortly after my "training time." I get that. But hey, how can I be sure that this whole thing won't suck?

I guess I should think worst case scenario. He's promise a base pay of $2500 a month for 12 months, but potential for a lot more. Say that I only $2500 per month. Say that I stay with Louis for a whole year, then leave or get dropped. I'm one year older, with $30K and a year's worth of experience with the guy to show for it. Does that make me a better or worse candidate for actuarial jobs in early 2013?

This is a great question, the kind that I'd love to ask one of my actuarial recruiters. If only they were working this week. Damnit. I don't think I have any connections within my network that can help me either. I've tried three and they're all out of the office, likely for the week. Crap. I'm freaking out.

I can't allow myself to sign any contract today. That might make me appear wishy-washy, but hey, that's exactly what I am.

So, the question. Well, I'd asked be asked why there was such a long expanse of time between my last test and now, and I'd tell them that I worked with Louis in an entrepreneurial venture. I'll explain that he is an actuary that formed a branch of Zurich and left the business to start another company. I'm hopeful that name-dropping will help, and that I won't have to explain a lot more about what we did. I'll also have to hope that he's not known as a loon in actuarial circles, and that hiring folk will consider it a use of time that's better than doing nothing and waiting for any opportunity, which is where I am now.

Heck, if actuaries are suggesting that I take an underwriting or claims job, or even a mail room job in an insurance company, then this job can't be that bad. And I always have the excuse of needing to put food on the table.

Okay, I'll do it. Be calm, Dave. Be a journalist. Ask questions. Use reason. Don't jump to conclusions. Interrupt if you need to. Stay on task. Okay.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

A wonderful week

This is the last day of the week of December 18-24, and it's been a fantastic week, possibly the best week I've ever had.

The most important part of it is that Margie and I have formed an even stronger bond than ever before, and I'm very excited about what lies ahead.

It appears that I have a job as well. Adam introduced me to his real estate agent, who used to be an actuary. In fact, he started a branch of Zurich that was bought out by another company, and his experience led him into becoming an entrepreneur. He's ready to make a bigger push in the realty market, and though I met with him to discuss help in cracking the actuarial field, he offered me a job with his company. And I'm going to take it. It'll require me to get a real estate license, but I won't be a typical realtor. I'll be using my mathematical and analytical abilities to get better results for our clients. He's offered me 30K base salary this year, along with a lot more potentially. The 30K is if we have no success at all. And hey, that's a lot more than I'm making now.

What appeals to me is that, if it fails, I can still say that I worked under the guy, and perhaps that can count as experience to any actuary looking to hire. It could certainly be exciting. The office is in Geneva and I might start as early as Monday.

My bowling game has improved substantially in the several weeks. Before I discuss the results, let me describe what I'm doing now, so that it's written down somewhere.

  • Same five-step approach, though I'm starting a little left of before.
  • Ball held in my gut.
  • Two steps with me hunched over a little bit.
  • Ball goes back at third step, possibly a little earlier than that, hand held as if I'm holding a martini glass. 
  • Fourth step starts a little early. A little stutter-step, but not much. Gives me a little more time to concentrate on the spot I'm trying to hit. (That spot is the eighth board, to start.)
  • A little slide with my left foot, but not much. 
  • Let go of the ball a little later than before, to loft the ball a bit.
  • Finish high. Let the hand reach for the sky.
These last two parts are what I think has made a big difference. For some reason, I'm able to control my lofting well, as it feels more natural. And it helps with the curve of the ball. The ball goes as if it's going to hit the 6-10, then makes its move, and it's been hitting the 1-3 pocket at a six-degree angle.

So how good have I been at bowling lately? Well, I've had three goals in bowling, which I know I've written in some form or other.

  1. Bowl a clean game, meaning no open frames.
  2. Break Digger's high score of 233.
  3. Bowl a 600 series.
I've accomplished all of these in the last week. I was antsy Monday night and decided to hit the lanes for some practice games. Planning for six games, I got better as the night went on, and in my sixth game, I had a clean game going into the tenth frame. What looked to be a good strike ball left a standing seven-pin, the shot I'd made all night long. Sure enough, I missed it when it really mattered. I couldn't help but be outwardly upset, cursing a few times and pounding the table. But, hey, I'm bowling well and games are only a buck. I'll bowl two more. The next game was clean. It only had three strikes and was a 191, but I made every spare.

Fueled by this, I bowled at league the next night and opened with a 231, my new high score. Opening with six consecutive strikes helps. I had two opens that game, both splits. My next game was a 220 and my second clean game of my life, less than 24 hours after my first one. Knowing that I needed a 149 for my first 600 series, I stayed composed and had it wrapped up early. Despite three open frames in the last four frames - a continuing problem late in the night that may be alleviated if I start lifting weights, running or drinking coffee - the third game was a 190, giving me a series of 641.

That 231 was oh-so-close to Digger's high. Tantalizingly so. But oh well. You can't expect to achieve all of your goals in such a short span.

But yesterday I went on my own. I could only afford five games. The first was pretty low but I slowly got back in the groove, and my fourth game started with six strikes, then four spares, and a strike at the end. Final score: 242. Holy crap! I bowled a 242! X X X X X X 6/ 9/ 8/ 9/X. My third clean game in less than 100 hours, when I never did it in 40 prior years.

This 242 was not in league, though I did it on two lanes. I made sure to get a print-out of the game, scan it as a .pdf file, and e-mail it to Digger. He has yet to respond, undoubtedly crushed by the news.

You know, maybe, just maybe, I could sniff 300 someday. The pressure would be enormous, and I'll probably have to get close but fail a bunch of times before succeeding, much as I did for my first clean game.

Combine it with last week's league scores of 216-213-158, and I've been on quiet a roll. Two weeks ago, my average was not quite 160. I'd say that I'm a 180 bowler right now. I believe I'll bowl over 180 as often as I bowl under it in the future.

I still remember two guys laughing at my third game score of 115 when I first bowled in this league. They weren't laughing at me per se, but at a low score in a good league. That very team was a fun group of guys when we bowled them last week and were complimentary of us.

Anyway, bowling right now is fun, and I'm proud of myself for accomplishing my goals. Now it's time to set some new ones. Maybe more than six strikes in a row in one game? Improved "pins per first ball" average? Continued improvement with my third game, by not tiring and recognizing the changing lane conditions?

A great week, and this is before tonight, when Margie will meet the Zahrobskys for the first time. My mother has one sibling, and for reasons somewhat unknown to me, she no longer talks to them. Since this happened around the time Margie and I started dating, she's never seen them.

A few months back, I decided to visit Kim (the middle child) at her workplace. Why? Because no one actually did it. We'd talk about seeing each other, either Kim or Kris, the oldest boy, but would never go through with it. So I did it, and it was a neat moment. Based on that, I asked Kim if we could visit tonight, when their family has a Christmas Eve party, as they've done for decades and was the source of many happy memories of my youth. She checked it out and gave me the okay to come over tonight at 7:00.

Maybe the week won't seem as cheerful later this evening; it might go poorly, as my last visit to the Z's went. But either way, Margie will learn something new about me and my past. A great week, which will hopefully become the norm and not the exception.

Merry Christmas! (I mostly say this over "Happy Holidays" because Christians are more offended to hear "Happy Holidays" than non-Christians are to hear "Merry Christmas." Sad, isn't it?)