Dumps

I didn't get the job.

I keep telling myself that I get stronger with every close call, and that I'm getting closer to the right place for me, but I keep going back to feeling overly rejected.

In all likelihood, I will not be able to get an actuarial job for at least another year. While it certainly gives me time to study for the next exam, volunteer for the local Main Street program, tutor a little for some money and maybe act in a summer play or work on some serious songwriting, I'd rather have to juggle all of that while working.

This is hard.

At least I have accomplished something: our air conditioner hasn't been working properly, and instead of calling an HVAC tech and likely spending $300 to get it fixed, I fixed it myself with a $22 contactor, a $60 multimeter (which I wanted anyway) and a lot of teeth-grinding as I swapped out the part. I had to order the contactor on-line and out-of-state, as I've been told that regular folk like me aren't allowed to buy this part within Illinois. Silly bureaucrats. Why shouldn't I be allowed to blow up my house with my stubbornness and ignorance?

But my two biggest obstacles to a happy life are still obstacles. Margie and I took an important step today to overcome the other one.

Poise. Self-assurance. I have it and deserve to have it. I do.