more thoughts

I'm not even checking my e-mail. I can't take it. Too much drama.

Both Margie and I think that this will effectively kill the band.

Looking back, while it's good that I have a laissez-faire approach to the band now, it's a shame that I didn't have that approach all along. Did I think that getting more involved would benefit the band? We haven't gotten any better; our weaknesses are still there. John wasn't ever going to become a rock-solid rhythm guy. Same for Digger. Paulito would still be standoffish. It might have been a good enough environment for Eileen to stay in the band, but we weren't gonna get anywhere with it. We've stagnated, playing the same songs at the same places for the same crowds for the same low levels of respect and money.

There's nothing else I can do to bring Eileen back in the fold while staying true to myself.

Let's say that, somehow, there was another female lead singer that was good and wanted to be in the band. Would all of our problems cease? I'd still have to be hands-off, since Eileen was not the one that kept us from learning "Valerie" or me from playing guitar.

Man, I really want to shrug this off and not care about it. I think I've enjoyed TFA for what it's represented, rather than what it actually entailed. It's very cool for a middle-aged guy to be in a rock band, and not just one that gets together once a year in someone's basement to play "I Ain't Drunk, I'm Just Drinking."

I'm not going to try to save this band. I have no clue how I'd do it anyway. But I feel for Digger. Paulito could probably take it or leave it. I may very well be better off without it. John, not sure. This'll hurt him a lot too. He was more grateful than anyone else to be in TFA.

Even more thoughts to come, I'm sure.